ShangHigh, Scotland, Hunters Gardens, 2007
Five children stood on a corner of Hunters Gardens
six more children came down the street
Voice: Come on then especially you Max i'll kick your a$$
one of the five children replied
Max: Fack off John
Voice: It's accually Johnny pal
Max: Whatever
Another Voice: Johnny bet you there scared
one of the five children butts in
Biscuits: What you got against Max anyway
Johnny: He sprayed my mum has balls and my dad loves it down the street
All of the five children laugh
Johnny: Right thats it
Johnny approaches the shortest boy
Biscuits: Better watch out Max the guy with two dads and no mum is after you
Max was the shortest boy black hair with blonde streaks put threw it
Biscuits was the tallest boy blonde hair and a black eye
one of the other five children butts in
Ian Doyle: Look Johnny you better fack off or you got me and Steedy to mess with
Johnny: Like im scared of pill popers
Ian Doyle had a burberry cap on
Steedy: Look Johnny like wat Ian said you better fack off
Steedy had his fred perry jacket wrapped round his waist and his hair was really blak and his ear was pierced with a golden hoop
Johnny ran up too Max and Head butted him
a boy that was slightly smaller than Biscuits helped Max
his name was Crumbz, Biscuits little brother
Crumbz had his ear peirced and brown hair
Crumbz grabbed Johnny a threw him to the ground
One on Johnny's guys jumped on Crumbz's back
Crumbz struggling to get him off
Biscuits ran to help his little brother but one on Johnny's friends had punched Biscuits in the jaw
Biscuits was now concentrating on the guy that punched him
Ian Doyle ran at one of Johnny's friends and kicked him in the shin then got him to the ground
Steedy grabbed a guy then rammed his head of a pole
Max put his fists up
Johnny did the same
both rivals facing each other
Max jabbed Johnny's jaw
Johnny stepped back holding his jaw and then Johnny made his move
Johnny grabbed Max and threw him into the metal fence then rammed Max's head of it about 3 times
no one could help Max they were all concentrating on fighting off all of Johnny's friends
Blood dribbling down Max's face his life flashed before his eyes
surely one more smack off the fence and Max would be dead
Suddenly Johnny stopped there was a large thump on the ground
Max could hardley see but then he could see who was on the ground
It was Johnny lying there unconscious
wood was lying beside Johnny
Suddenly Max saw a hand
Max looked up to see a figure
the rest of Max's friends fighting of Johnnys friends
Biscuits had one on the ground slamming his head of the ground constantly
Crumbz kicked one right in the jaw
Steedy Doyle roundhouse kicking one to the face and then the guy falling
Ian Doyle had one in a headlock and was punching him
Max could still not see the figure right
blood still coming from Max's nose and jaw
Max had his sight back and he looked up
Voice: Hey
Chapter 2 coming next
comment please
if you dont like the script format its okay i will change it if u like
anyway comment please
Thug Life YA BAM!
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Thug Life YA BAM!
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- papa arnold
- Rank: Warrior
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Re: Thug Life YA BAM!
i think you should change the writing style,its kinda hard to read and not much description
but overall i liked the story,but i only got one queston,is this based on truth or just made up
but overall i liked the story,but i only got one queston,is this based on truth or just made up
[url=http://imageshack.us][img]http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/6373/20255849yq4.jpg[/img][/url]AND THATS THE BOTTOM LINE BECAUSE PAPA ARNOLD SAYS SO!!!!!
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- Location: Scotland
Re: Thug Life YA BAM!
Thug Life YA BAM
Thats genious mate lol Cant beat a bit of the Glaswegian patter man 


[img]http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c238/stevend06/resiz1.jpg[/img]
[img]http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c238/stevend06/Untitled-2.gif[/img]
"Those were some desperatre dudes! Hey...so was we!!"
"I had sex last night....WITH A GIRL!!!!"
[img]http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c238/stevend06/Untitled-2.gif[/img]
"Those were some desperatre dudes! Hey...so was we!!"
"I had sex last night....WITH A GIRL!!!!"
Re: Thug Life YA BAM!
Wow, great work, that was excellent! cant wait for next chapter!!
BTW- i agree with papa arnold about the writing style but thats your choice!
BTW- i agree with papa arnold about the writing style but thats your choice!

[img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z215/Gezza01/fableandhalogezzado.jpg[/img]
[color=red]That that dont kill me can only make me stronger.[/color]
[color=red]That that dont kill me can only make me stronger.[/color]
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Re: Thug Life YA BAM!
Chapter 2
The mystery child helped Max up
a voice called to him it sounded like Biscuits
Are you ok? said Biscuits approaching Max
Max finally got his sight back and saw who hit Johnny over the head
it was the boy that got bullied at thier school
they called him B-Dup because everybody beat him up
but his real name was Tom
Max held his head and he stumbled a bit
You took a hard beating back there Ian butted in
Are you not the guy that gets bullied my Johnny at our school said Crumbz
Aye....... i am Tom said nervously
You should defonetly be in our group we called the YPB it stands for Young Pines Boys stated Steedy
he needs a new nick name how about Tam
Tom noded
All five of them walk down the street arms round shoulders
We'll be coming We'll be coming We'll be coming down the road Crumbz started singing
Max then joined in
then Biscuits
Then Steedy
Come on this is our song said Ian
Ian joined in aswell
Tam picked up the words and started to sing
WE'LL BE COMING WE'LL BE COMING WE'LL BE COMING DOWN THE ROAD WHEN YOU HEAR THE NOISE OF THE YOUNG PINES BOYS WE'LL BE COMING DOWN THE ROAD
6 YEARS LATER
Lots of talking was going on
there was a bunch of people with track suits on and Buckfast in there hands
A Teenage boy came round the corner with a track suit on and buckfast in his hand
the teenage boy walked over to a girl and kissed her
Ewwwww Fancie aye said a Tennage boy that looked like Crumbz when he was little
Fack off Crumbz said the teenage boy
I was having a laugh Tam said Crumbz
Tam had black black hair and stud earing
Tam drank some buckfast then grabbe a cigerette
Anyone got a lighter said Tam
A Teenager that looks like Steedy Doyle gives him a lighter
Ta Steedy said Tam
another Teenager walked round the corner
Hey Hey Bryan said Steedy
Call me Max! shouted Max
Break it up! said a boy that looked like Ian
Biscuits gimmie a fág said Crumbz
Gimmie Gimmie never gets says Biscuits in a sarcastic way
suddenly a group of teenagers come round the corner
What the Fack shouted Tam
This is our turf you know young PINES team said Steedy pointing to a pub that had a sign on it saying The Pines
Why are you scanky camelon craps doing here anyway said Tam
We are ready to kick you in
everybody laughed
Like you could do that says Max
Bring it on says another rival teenager
there is swearwords tossed at eachother and shouting then it was on
they charged at each other
On the main road, in the car park, everywhere
blood, teeth and lives were lost during this battle
knifes in stomaches, faces burnt, bottles smashed over heads
Tam's girlfriend Leah they called her wee lee she was getting hit on by other rival teenagers then she said no to them so the rival teenagers beat on her
Tam saw what was happining to his girlfriend
Tam tried to get to her but he was stoped by a punch in the face
Tam kneed the guy that punched him in the jaw then he was outcold
Tam trying to get to his girlfriend but he was to late she was on the ground dead
Tam got to her dead body
Tam started to cry
The three guys that killed her surrounded Tam
Tam got up and punched one so hard in the middle of the eyes he was out
then Tam got a bottle and smashed it over the second guys head then Tam approached the last guy but then the last guy jumped on him and Tam threw him off him then Tam jumped on his face
soon the fight was over Riot vans came and everyone ran off apart from Tam
Tam still crying and hugging Leah's dead body
A police guy came from behind Tam
Tam got up and punched him so hard he was out again
all the other police guys were scared
Tam started to scream Leah
What was Tam to do now
chapter 3 coming soon
give feed back please
The mystery child helped Max up
a voice called to him it sounded like Biscuits
Are you ok? said Biscuits approaching Max
Max finally got his sight back and saw who hit Johnny over the head
it was the boy that got bullied at thier school
they called him B-Dup because everybody beat him up
but his real name was Tom
Max held his head and he stumbled a bit
You took a hard beating back there Ian butted in
Are you not the guy that gets bullied my Johnny at our school said Crumbz
Aye....... i am Tom said nervously
You should defonetly be in our group we called the YPB it stands for Young Pines Boys stated Steedy
he needs a new nick name how about Tam
Tom noded
All five of them walk down the street arms round shoulders
We'll be coming We'll be coming We'll be coming down the road Crumbz started singing
Max then joined in
then Biscuits
Then Steedy
Come on this is our song said Ian
Ian joined in aswell
Tam picked up the words and started to sing
WE'LL BE COMING WE'LL BE COMING WE'LL BE COMING DOWN THE ROAD WHEN YOU HEAR THE NOISE OF THE YOUNG PINES BOYS WE'LL BE COMING DOWN THE ROAD
6 YEARS LATER
Lots of talking was going on
there was a bunch of people with track suits on and Buckfast in there hands
A Teenage boy came round the corner with a track suit on and buckfast in his hand
the teenage boy walked over to a girl and kissed her
Ewwwww Fancie aye said a Tennage boy that looked like Crumbz when he was little
Fack off Crumbz said the teenage boy
I was having a laugh Tam said Crumbz
Tam had black black hair and stud earing
Tam drank some buckfast then grabbe a cigerette
Anyone got a lighter said Tam
A Teenager that looks like Steedy Doyle gives him a lighter
Ta Steedy said Tam
another Teenager walked round the corner
Hey Hey Bryan said Steedy
Call me Max! shouted Max
Break it up! said a boy that looked like Ian
Biscuits gimmie a fág said Crumbz
Gimmie Gimmie never gets says Biscuits in a sarcastic way
suddenly a group of teenagers come round the corner
What the Fack shouted Tam
This is our turf you know young PINES team said Steedy pointing to a pub that had a sign on it saying The Pines
Why are you scanky camelon craps doing here anyway said Tam
We are ready to kick you in
everybody laughed
Like you could do that says Max
Bring it on says another rival teenager
there is swearwords tossed at eachother and shouting then it was on
they charged at each other
On the main road, in the car park, everywhere
blood, teeth and lives were lost during this battle
knifes in stomaches, faces burnt, bottles smashed over heads
Tam's girlfriend Leah they called her wee lee she was getting hit on by other rival teenagers then she said no to them so the rival teenagers beat on her
Tam saw what was happining to his girlfriend
Tam tried to get to her but he was stoped by a punch in the face
Tam kneed the guy that punched him in the jaw then he was outcold
Tam trying to get to his girlfriend but he was to late she was on the ground dead
Tam got to her dead body
Tam started to cry
The three guys that killed her surrounded Tam
Tam got up and punched one so hard in the middle of the eyes he was out
then Tam got a bottle and smashed it over the second guys head then Tam approached the last guy but then the last guy jumped on him and Tam threw him off him then Tam jumped on his face
soon the fight was over Riot vans came and everyone ran off apart from Tam
Tam still crying and hugging Leah's dead body
A police guy came from behind Tam
Tam got up and punched him so hard he was out again
all the other police guys were scared
Tam started to scream Leah
What was Tam to do now
chapter 3 coming soon
give feed back please
Last edited by Glaswiegan Vermin on Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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- Rank: Orphan
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Re: Thug Life YA BAM!
Chapter 3
Tam realised that the police started to surround him
Tam was saying sh1t sh1t sh1t sh1t into himself
Tam made a run for it
He ran right through the police, around the pines with about 20 police guys on him
Tam ran through the local kiddie park to get to Reedlands drive then Tam ran into some more police guys
Tam had to run the other way
He was trying to get back to Hunters Gardens
Tam ran and jumped over a metal fence which led to The Ducky
The Ducky was a burn that all the children played in
Tam ran right through the water without a care in the world
Tam got into Hunters Gardens and behind the two storie flats
Tam lived in the top flat
Tam ran into the flat close and sat on the steps
He heard footsteps coming down the close
It was only Crumbz
Where the hell where you shouted Crumbz
I stayed back because Leah died said Tam in a sad way
Crumbz sat down on the step next to Tam
And i'm a fricken wanted criminal shouted Tam
Well everyodys worried about you said Crumbz
I nearly got arrested and i'm wet shouted Tam
How you wet replied Crumbz
I ran through The Ducky getting away from the police
Tam and Crumbz went outside to see police guys and riot vans and police cars
Tam and Crumbz tried to keep hidden
they both got to Crumbz's house for safety from the cops
chapter 4 coming soon gimmie feedback
Tam realised that the police started to surround him
Tam was saying sh1t sh1t sh1t sh1t into himself
Tam made a run for it
He ran right through the police, around the pines with about 20 police guys on him
Tam ran through the local kiddie park to get to Reedlands drive then Tam ran into some more police guys
Tam had to run the other way
He was trying to get back to Hunters Gardens
Tam ran and jumped over a metal fence which led to The Ducky
The Ducky was a burn that all the children played in
Tam ran right through the water without a care in the world
Tam got into Hunters Gardens and behind the two storie flats
Tam lived in the top flat
Tam ran into the flat close and sat on the steps
He heard footsteps coming down the close
It was only Crumbz
Where the hell where you shouted Crumbz
I stayed back because Leah died said Tam in a sad way
Crumbz sat down on the step next to Tam
And i'm a fricken wanted criminal shouted Tam
Well everyodys worried about you said Crumbz
I nearly got arrested and i'm wet shouted Tam
How you wet replied Crumbz
I ran through The Ducky getting away from the police
Tam and Crumbz went outside to see police guys and riot vans and police cars
Tam and Crumbz tried to keep hidden
they both got to Crumbz's house for safety from the cops
chapter 4 coming soon gimmie feedback
Last edited by Glaswiegan Vermin on Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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